Even I, who am a firm believer in life’s mysteries, had a hard time wrapping my brain around this one.
It started with a phone call several months ago letting me know that I had breast cancer. Months of testing with dozens of imaging studies and more biopsies culminated in surgery. This was to be followed by a treatment plan of radiation and a hormone blocking medication that I will have to take for five years. I had to process all of this with the possibility of chemotherapy looming in the background.
I was at peace with my diagnosis. Actually, I was so calm about it that I started to think I was in denial about being diagnosed with cancer. I even told a friend that I just did not feel like when they opened me up they would find cancer.
Denial or Something Else…
I was in certain denial. After all, what else could it be? For anyone that has ever met me knows that calm and peaceful are not adjectives they would use to describe me. Hopefully, they would say I was nice, but they would also say I was very animated and high strung. Yep, I am type A personality all the way. Yet here I was being tranquil and might I say, joyful during my cancer journey.
I received excellent care at both our local hospital, where my original mammogram and biopsy were done and at UT Breast Cancer Center, where I chose to have the actual surgery. I had faith in the team of doctors caring for me, but the one thing I did not want to have to deal with was chemotherapy.
Chemotherapy was not part of the original care plan because they have to wait until pathology reports from surgery come back with what they call your Onco score. That test is very crucial in letting them know if your cancer will respond to chemotherapy, and it is part of the bigger picture in determining if you need chemotherapy.
A few days after the surgery, while waiting on the pathology reports and to hear if the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes, I got another phone call.
Call that changed my life…
Immediately seeing the phone number pop up my heart rate increased because the voice on the other end of that phone call can change everything I thought I knew.
This is exactly what happened to me. “Is this Ella Price?,” she asked. “Well, I am calling to tell you that I have some good news. Your pathology reports came back and your lymph nodes were clear so the cancer has not spread.”
And with those words I breathed a big sigh of relief, but she did not stop there. She went on to say, in fact, the pathology report came back with no cancer present at all, anywhere!
Now it takes a lot to silence me, but her words did the trick. “Hello, are you still on the phone?,” she exclaimed. “Yes, I am sorry, what did you say? What does that mean? I don’t understand.”
“It means that there was no cancer when we went in to do the surgery and that it is possible the biopsy had gotten it all”, she said. To which I replied, “I am sorry but how can that be”? There were so many post biopsy imaging tests done that showed the cancer. I don’t understand.
“To be honest”, she said, “I don’t have all the answers either. Come in tomorrow and we will go over everything together.”
What Just Happened?
To say my head was spinning when we got off the phone would be an understatement.
The next day my husband and I went armed with questions. Not the least of which were, are you sure you took the right spot? Could the pathology report have been wrong? How did the cancer keep showing up on all the post biopsy imaging?
One by one, they ruled out all my questions with medical proof and documentation, except one, My last question.
They simply could not explain how my cancer kept showing up on all imaging but was gone upon surgery.
Including the day of surgery, when they do a ton of imaging and it was still there. They even put a hook wire into my breast that goes directly into the tumor to mark the placement of the cancer. I watched them do that. I saw the tumor. How, if the cancer was technically gone already?
I need proof…
I needed real proof, and they just could not give it to me. Maybe it was this, maybe it was that, maybe, maybe, maybe, they repeated.
And that is when I knew.
You see, I made my cancer journey very public and everyone I knew was praying for me, sending me love and good energy. I even had people lay hands on me in prayer. I have seen miracles happen before, so clearly, I am a believer in miracles. Yet, with all the praying I did and others did for me I never once asked God to heal me.
I only asked that God would use me.
No freaking out about my cancer. In fact, I was at total peace. For the first time in my life, I was able to let go and let God. Honestly, I was at so chill about it all that I was ok
with the thought of dying from cancer. Let God’s will be done.
You can believe what you want to about why the cancer was mysteriously gone upon surgery, but I have the answer.
I have never stopped being amazed by what God can do. One thing is sure. God’s plans for us are bigger than the plans we have for ourselves.
I asked to be used, and I cannot think of a better way than to share with the world that miracles still exist. God’s love for us is real. Who knows, years from now my cancer could come back. I could even die from it, but that does not mean that God loves me less. It only means that his plans for me are bigger than the ones I have for myself. Life is mysterious